i kind of lack a good thesis here, a direction where i’m going with this stream of consciousness rant that i will ONLY proofread to make sure i’m spelling things right (i was an editor at one point in my life and i will ensure that my reputation with that stays unsullied).

so like, i am someone who has just been single forever and that’s how many know me and i clearly cannot really get people to stick around n as i try to think about it, there are like no people around to blame really. what’s there to say other than “people assume i am X when i’m actually not” which like, i fear is the biggest hurdle that any romantic relationship stumbles over.

but so what?

i’m stuck thinking about the people who thought i was some blank slate alt-indie-manic-pixie baddie who liked video games and quickly got scared when it turned out that i was actually the kind of person who would go to quasi-illegal shows and would get into the mosh pits and come out bruised and would drink and occasionally do drugs there too. i think of the person who really latched on to me to be some sort of artsy troubled soul with the patience of a saint when they turned on me once i showed that i have limited patience and really don’t like feeling like my time is being wasted by someone who has zero ability to self-motivate anything.

it’s weird; as a concept i function great but once the nuance of humanity kicks in, it becomes clear that i cannot be slotted into a box i never was meant for anyway. like it’s not a profound issue, i get that. i’m just here shouting my thoughts into my void because a substack is expensive and nobody cares and at least here, this can form like, a sort of framework for why my photography is how it is, given i am someone that would like to let people in but they are too scared to even knock at the door.

i dunno, that’s all i got on this. maybe i’ll write more if i drink some more.

-Dusty